When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
