I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
