So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
