wakey wakey hands off snakey
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
