i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
