So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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