who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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