Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
