She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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