Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
As shirtless as possible
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
