The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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