Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
