Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
FUCK WHALES
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
