how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Randomize
