She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
