whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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