When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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