I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
