He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
