I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
