You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
