he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
