fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
