Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
