This is not my ceiling
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
