I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
