apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
