I'm gonna have a badass scar
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He felt like a one man threesome
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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