How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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