he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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