My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
