Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
