I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
