she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
FUCK WHALES
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
