I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
