u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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