Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
