I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
