He disabled his match.com account in front of me
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
