Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
