so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
