a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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