in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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