The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
