I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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