I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
