woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
