what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
