god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
