grandma shit on top of the toilet
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
