You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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