Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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