good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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